Rules

Discussions about the use and operation of SAC (Software Audio Console)

Rules

Postby IraSeigel » Thu Aug 22, 2013 2:37 pm

These were sent to me a while back by a famous guitar player from a big rock band (Mark, you might know who I mean... :) )
Feel free to add your own, if they're good.

36 Rules For Bands

1. Never start a trio with a married couple.
2. Your manager’s not helping you. Fire him/her.
3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word “recoupable” in the dictionary.
4. No one cares who you’ve opened for.
5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more “important”.
6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it’s time to break up.
7. When you talk on stage you are never funny.
8. If you sound like another band, don’t act like you’re unfamiliar with their music (“Oh, does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?”)
9. Asking a crowd how they’re doing is just amplified small talk. Don’t do it.
10. Don’t say your video’s being played if it’s only on the Austin Music Network.
11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention artistic freedom” and “a guaranteed 3 record deal”.
12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
13. Never name a song after your band.
14. Never name your band after a song.
15. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.
16. Never enter a “battle of the bands” contest. If you do you’re already a loser.
17. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: “rock opera”, “white rapper”, “blues jam”, “swing band”, “open mike”, etc.
18. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
19. Listen, either break it to your parents or we will: it’s rock ‘n’ roll, not a soccer game. They’ve gotta stop coming to your shows.
20. It’s not a “showcase”. It’s a gig that doesn’t pay.
21. No one cares that you have a web site.
22. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
23. Don’t hire a publicist.
24. Playing in Portsmouth and Nashua doesn’t mean you’re on tour.
25. Don’t join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don’t join a cover band.
26. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
27. Don’t stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That’s what girlfriends/boyfriends are for.
28. If you use a smoke machine, your music stinks.
29. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.
30. Remember: if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
31. If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
32. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
33. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
34. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
35. Rock oxymorons: “major label interest”, “demo deal”,” blues genius”, “$500 guarantee”, and “Fastball’s second hit”.
36. 3 things that are never coming back: a)gongs, b) headbands, and c)playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.
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Re: Rules

Postby Paul Henry » Thu Aug 22, 2013 4:12 pm

37. No matter how big you think you are, don't piss of the sound guy.
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Re: Rules

Postby newmediamark » Thu Aug 22, 2013 10:07 pm

IraSeigel wrote:These were sent to me a while back by a famous guitar player from a big rock band (Mark, you might know who I mean... :)

Awesome that your posted this. I have been thinking about this list for a while and searching my docs for a few days to no avail.

I am proud to say "our friend" never violated rule #26 in his entire career. Currently, he plays that red piece of crap on every song. :-)
26. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?


Mark
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Re: Rules

Postby IraSeigel » Sat Aug 24, 2013 11:24 am

newmediamark wrote:...

I am proud to say "our friend" never violated rule #26 in his entire career. Currently, he plays that red piece of crap on every song. :-)

Mark


I was wondering about that. If you think about it, that's pretty amazing.
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Re: Rules

Postby newmediamark » Sat Aug 24, 2013 6:15 pm

IraSeigel wrote:I was wondering about that. If you think about it, that's pretty amazing.


The real reason for that is some sort of neck ailment and the red guitar is VERY lightweight.

But we kid the gtr player in the "other band" when he needs 6 or 7 changes every night ... telling him the other guy only changes guitars about every 10 years or so.

Mark
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Re: Rules

Postby randyhyde » Tue Aug 27, 2013 11:16 am

IraSeigel wrote:21. No one cares that you have a web site.


And don't beg people to friend you on Facebook.

And if the sound guy tells you "Don't step on the subs, we just cleaned them with Amour-All", DON'T step on the subs.
(Google "Aeromyth singer falls off stage" to see what happens when they don't heed your advice.)

Cheers,
Randy Hyde
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Re: Rules

Postby jlepore » Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:54 pm

Had one of those recently. His manager told me to go F* myself when I said it wouldn't be safe for him to go on them ... then he tried (thankfully for him during sound check) and damn nearly split his head open. Had he waited to do it during show, you'd all know who he is by now :)

Yes, armour-all is a godsend for so many wonderful reasons :)
Gigabyte H55-USB3 i5-650/4G/XP/SSD Profire 2626x3/ADAx2/MLA7x1 Motormix x2 AMP/SAC/SAWLite
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